"Adulthood is Overrated" or "Easy is the New Hard"

I am completely over being a grown up.

I am not good at it.  I can barely manage to get myself ready in the morning.  My husband and my cat are pretty self-sufficient, blessedly.  And my bonus daughter is usually here on the weekends when getting ready for a day is optional.  It seemed so easy watching my mother do it.  Now, as a grown up, I still can't get my morning routine down.  There are so many things to remember.  Every time I do something like forget my deodorant, I feel like an Adult Failure.  So, you know, about two or three (or four) times a week.

Also, I do not enjoy it.  I have more responsibilities than hobbies.  I am not the boss of me.  Well, I am, if I want to be unemployed and single (although...).  When I was younger and had a dream it was fun and adorable and all "Go get 'em, kid!"  Now it's all "how old are you?" and weird looks and eye-rolls and heavy sighs and cough-talking.  You know, *cough* *crazy* *cough, cough*

Source: Cry for Help eCards

It's like the first part of my life was a lie. 

When you are little, the better you are at something the easier it is to do.  Examples: tying your shoe, doing a cartwheel, making a friendship bracelet.  These are things with which you struggle at first, but then, the better you get, the easier it is.  Now I can tie my shoe without even having to think about the bunny and the log (although I still say "to get her" every time I type "together", and righty-tighty, lefty-loosey, and--ok, never mind).

I thought when I graduated college, I would work really hard and become a great teacher and have fun and my job, and therefore my life, would get easier.  

It's was a lie.  It seems the better we get, the more we work.  I don't know. Maybe I am doing something wrong, but it appears that the teachers who are... not as good for kids, have it easier.  They teach the same lessons each year from a filing cabinet where the masters have a red dot on them (so when you copy it you can remember which one was the original).  They seem to always find time to grade papers during the school day and leave as soon as the students do, never taking home more than small satchel.  

It seems the deeper I get into education, the harder it is, the harder I work, the more stuff I transport.  My car is a mobile office crammed with tech, resources, to-do lists and my sanity.  At least I think that's where I left it.  I do feel like I get better each year, but each year I have more to learn.  The more time goes on, the worse I feel about my fallen starfish, the more I lament about those I am not reaching.  Right now I work more with teachers than students.  I try to celebrate the wins, but I am nagged by those who are falling through the cracks.  My head is full of what-ifs and if-onlys.

There are times I think about doing it the easy way.  I imagine what life would be like if I could knit when I wanted to and not have to pull out all of my stitches every third row because I had so much on my mind I couldn't count my pattern.  I dream of Chromebooks and updates and Flipcharts and Google an dam woken often with a feeling of dread--I could have done more

Source: Workplace eCards

Focusing on the "could-haves" does help me get better.  There are so many things I want to do differently next year.  I heard a teacher after a PD recently say "next year my kids will be so lucky!"  She had found something new and was already feeling bad for the kids she had this year. 

I heard a quote, "You can either change the world, or you can enjoy life, but you can't do both."  This is a concept of which I have become painfully aware in the last few years.  

I will change the world.  So that others may enjoy life.  Easy is the new hard.  Welcome to Adulthood.  Who's with me?!

*(A special thanks to my editor, who wishes to remain anonymous...)