1. THERE IS NO MAGIC IN THIS WORD
2. IF YOU WANT CHILDREN TO SAY IT, THEN USE THE WORD
I wish there was a font to show my disdain when hearing adults say, "What's the magic word?"
This caused the third or fourth fight The Brit and I had this week. He insisted on hearing please when my niece asked for some water (when he was already headed to the fridge).
My beef? He doesn't say please. Not to me, not to the children. It doesn't hurt my feelings. I don't say please. If he is headed in the direction of something I want or need I'm just like, "BABE! Grab me a water?" Additionally, saying please does not make a nasty, snotty request polite (see this fab article by @YesJarrodGreen).
Here is another example:
I was at a Christmas party with my niece (yes the same one) who is in third grade. A classmate of hers, whose mother was also at the party, handed something over his should and said, "Open this."
"Um, excuse me? What do you say?"
Fair enough. The kid kinda sounded like a snot. But the thing is, 20 minutes later, when he dropped something on the floor, his mom said, "Pick that up!"
I couldn't help myself.
"Please," I said.
This kid knew exactly what I was doing and promptly shouted out, "OH! She just OWNED you!" to his mother.
She either was saving face or, like most adults, was shirking responsibility of actually modeling expected behavior. She replied, "Uh, no, she was asking you to pick it up."
NEWS FLASH: No, I wasn't. I was... owning you. Trying to get you to see that no matter how much preaching you do, your kids are going to grow up to be just like you. Unless they hate you, in which case they will grow up to be just like you and go to therapy to try to fix it, all the while raising mini-mes.
My parents were big, "Do as I say, not as I do." But that never works.
When my nieces and nephews get sassy (Belle who just turned 5 like to say, "Whatever"), I gently remind their parents that they heard it from them. If my sister whatevers Belle, Belle will snap back, "Don't whatever me!" Which she learned from her mother. It's a vicious cycle.
Kids are like those toys that parrot back what you say. Expect there is no on/off button. Want your kids to talk at appropriate levels in the hall? Talk at appropriate levels in the hall. When walking your students to class, you meet a colleague, do you silently nod? Do you talk in a whisper? Do you talk in a normal inside voice?
It's like when a parent reaches over to smack a kid and yells, "Hey! We don't hit!"
Uhhhhh....
I used to be the teacher that was like, "I am an adult and you are a child and we have different rules."
I am not that teacher anymore. If I want my kids to ignore their cellphones, I ignore mine.
WHY? Because when I check my phone, I am saying that I have the right to choose to use my time and prioritize my tasks. When I refused to let a child make those same decisions, I am saying that my tasks, my decisions, and my decision-making abilities are better and more important than his.
It's like at faculty meetings when we check emails and do research during meetings because we think our tasks are more important than what the speaker is saying. Even though that may be the case, THIS IS WHAT YOUR STUDENTS THINK WHEN THEY CHECK THEIR PHONES. And to them, maybe what's on their phones in more important than what you are saying.
There is no magic in the word "Please". If there was, there would be a lot less dead people and more unicorns. It's simple cause and effect.
If you want your child/children to be wonderful, model it. They see you. They hear you. And they will be just like you.
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| From CartoonStock.com |
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