To Filter or Not To Filter: It Takes a Village

"What's Up."

I hate it when people answer a cell phone like they don't know who it is.  You have caller ID and most likely my face pops up.  So don't pretend you don't know who's calling.

I was answering my sister's call.

"Have you heard about this site, totally not games dot com?!"

I had, indeed, heard of the site just a day or two before when my niece (her daughter) talked about playing a game on that site.  But my sister seemed... emotional, so I was hesitant to admit any knowledge.  I didn't have to, for she launched into her monologue:

"I just caught my SON playing it.  His stick figure was in a BAR FIGHT and then he went to a PAWN shop where he could by BULLETS." (My sister is not against guns at all.)

Mark, Age 6

Me: Did he win?

Sis: Win what?!

Me: The bar fight?

Sis: Yes, but that is NOT the point. There was BLOOD.

Me: Why are you upset about the pawn shop?

Sis: Because the guy behind the counter said "Buy something or get the hell out."

Me: So are you upset that these things exist in the world?  That your kids enjoy them?  Or that they got through our filter?

I realize this isn't a conversation I could have with any parent.  She told me she guesses she was most upset that they got through the filter.  I'm going to be honest: I do not entirely understand when and how our filter works.  I suspect there is an element of magic, but have not confirmed my suspicions.

"And," my sister added, "I am going to find Emma because I know Mark didn't bring this home."

I asked my sister how that conversation would go. "Well, I am going to ask her what made her think this was appropriate!"

Emma, Age 8

Me: Has Emma ever been in a bar fight?

Sis: No, she isn't allowed in bars.

Me: So do you think there is a chance that she didn't realize winning a bar fight was a bad thing?  She plays games all the time where she fights things and they die (Minecraft, that one War Game that causes my other brother-in-law to check out of conversation because his "shields are down and they are attacking!").  A better approach might be to ask why she likes playing the game.  Then find a more appropriate game (although I reminded her that she let her son watch my host son play GTA, with the sound off of course.)

Sis:  Ugh.  This is why I call you.  Because you are so calm and right all the time.  You are the smartest person in the world and deserve to be paid more money.  You should be the president. (that may by not EXACTLY what she said, but it was close).

I apologized for the lack of filtering at home, but also reminded her that the lives of her children would not be filtered forever.  Teaching kids appropriate websites is as important as teaching them that cartoons are not real.  (Remember when they had to cut the match scenes out of Bugs Bunny because kids were throwing lit matches into basements?  That might be an urban legend...) My bonus daughter asks if things are appropriate.  These are words and decisions we have taught explicitly.

I do love Kids YouTube and other apps that allow kids to surf more freely (it keeps from having to explaining to your bonus daughter, who loves to watch how things are made on YouTube, what a condom is.  "It's like a rubber glove... oh look!  How chocolates are made!")

Just like most things, there is a huge gray area.  While filters are great and keep kids safe, they do not replace teaching kids to make good decisions.  That is still our responsibility: schools and homes.  After all, it takes a village.