The Magic Word: The Day I "Owned" a Stranger

Everyone knows the magic word.  But I am here to tell you two things:

1. THERE IS NO MAGIC IN THIS WORD
2. IF YOU WANT CHILDREN TO SAY IT, THEN USE THE WORD

I wish there was a font to show my disdain when hearing adults say, "What's the magic word?"

This caused the third or fourth fight The Brit and I had this week.  He insisted on hearing please when my niece asked for some water (when he was already headed to the fridge).

My beef?  He doesn't say please.  Not to me, not to the children.  It doesn't hurt my feelings.  I don't say please.  If he is headed in the direction of something I want or need I'm just like, "BABE! Grab me a water?" Additionally, saying please does not make a nasty, snotty request polite (see this fab article by @YesJarrodGreen).

Here is another example:

I was at a Christmas party with my niece (yes the same one) who is in third grade.  A classmate of hers, whose mother was also at the party, handed something over his should and said, "Open this."

"Um, excuse me? What do you say?"

Fair enough.  The kid kinda sounded like a snot.  But the thing is, 20 minutes later, when he dropped something on the floor, his mom said, "Pick that up!"

I couldn't help myself.

"Please," I said.

This kid knew exactly what I was doing and promptly shouted out, "OH! She just OWNED you!" to his mother.

She either was saving face or, like most adults, was shirking responsibility of actually modeling expected behavior. She replied, "Uh, no, she was asking you to pick it up."

NEWS FLASH:  No, I wasn't.  I was... owning you.  Trying to get you to see that no matter how much preaching you do, your kids are going to grow up to be just like you.  Unless they hate you, in which case they will grow up to be just like you and go to therapy to try to fix it, all the while raising mini-mes.

My parents were big, "Do as I say, not as I do."  But that never works.

When my nieces and nephews get sassy (Belle who just turned 5 like to say, "Whatever"), I gently remind their parents that they heard it from them. If my sister whatevers Belle, Belle will snap back, "Don't whatever me!" Which she learned from her mother.  It's a vicious cycle.

Kids are like those toys that parrot back what you say.  Expect there is no on/off button. Want your kids to talk at appropriate levels in the hall? Talk at appropriate levels in the hall.  When walking your students to class, you meet a colleague, do you silently nod?  Do you talk in a whisper? Do you talk in a normal inside voice?

It's like when a parent reaches over to smack a kid and yells, "Hey!  We don't hit!"

Uhhhhh....

I used to be the teacher that was like, "I am an adult and you are a child and we have different rules."

I am not that teacher anymore.  If I want my kids to ignore their cellphones, I ignore mine.

WHY?  Because when I check my phone, I am saying that I have the right to choose to use my time and prioritize my tasks.  When I refused to let a child make those same decisions, I am saying that my tasks, my decisions, and my decision-making abilities are better and more important than his.

It's like at faculty meetings when we check emails and do research during meetings because we think our tasks are more important than what the speaker is saying.  Even though that may be the case, THIS IS WHAT YOUR STUDENTS THINK WHEN THEY CHECK THEIR PHONES.  And to them, maybe what's on their phones in more important than what you are saying.  

There is no magic in the word "Please". If there was, there would be a lot less dead people and more unicorns.  It's simple cause and effect.

If you want your child/children to be wonderful, model it.  They see you.  They hear you.  And they will be just like you.

From CartoonStock.com

To Filter or Not To Filter: It Takes a Village

"What's Up."

I hate it when people answer a cell phone like they don't know who it is.  You have caller ID and most likely my face pops up.  So don't pretend you don't know who's calling.

I was answering my sister's call.

"Have you heard about this site, totally not games dot com?!"

I had, indeed, heard of the site just a day or two before when my niece (her daughter) talked about playing a game on that site.  But my sister seemed... emotional, so I was hesitant to admit any knowledge.  I didn't have to, for she launched into her monologue:

"I just caught my SON playing it.  His stick figure was in a BAR FIGHT and then he went to a PAWN shop where he could by BULLETS." (My sister is not against guns at all.)

Mark, Age 6

Me: Did he win?

Sis: Win what?!

Me: The bar fight?

Sis: Yes, but that is NOT the point. There was BLOOD.

Me: Why are you upset about the pawn shop?

Sis: Because the guy behind the counter said "Buy something or get the hell out."

Me: So are you upset that these things exist in the world?  That your kids enjoy them?  Or that they got through our filter?

I realize this isn't a conversation I could have with any parent.  She told me she guesses she was most upset that they got through the filter.  I'm going to be honest: I do not entirely understand when and how our filter works.  I suspect there is an element of magic, but have not confirmed my suspicions.

"And," my sister added, "I am going to find Emma because I know Mark didn't bring this home."

I asked my sister how that conversation would go. "Well, I am going to ask her what made her think this was appropriate!"

Emma, Age 8

Me: Has Emma ever been in a bar fight?

Sis: No, she isn't allowed in bars.

Me: So do you think there is a chance that she didn't realize winning a bar fight was a bad thing?  She plays games all the time where she fights things and they die (Minecraft, that one War Game that causes my other brother-in-law to check out of conversation because his "shields are down and they are attacking!").  A better approach might be to ask why she likes playing the game.  Then find a more appropriate game (although I reminded her that she let her son watch my host son play GTA, with the sound off of course.)

Sis:  Ugh.  This is why I call you.  Because you are so calm and right all the time.  You are the smartest person in the world and deserve to be paid more money.  You should be the president. (that may by not EXACTLY what she said, but it was close).

I apologized for the lack of filtering at home, but also reminded her that the lives of her children would not be filtered forever.  Teaching kids appropriate websites is as important as teaching them that cartoons are not real.  (Remember when they had to cut the match scenes out of Bugs Bunny because kids were throwing lit matches into basements?  That might be an urban legend...) My bonus daughter asks if things are appropriate.  These are words and decisions we have taught explicitly.

I do love Kids YouTube and other apps that allow kids to surf more freely (it keeps from having to explaining to your bonus daughter, who loves to watch how things are made on YouTube, what a condom is.  "It's like a rubber glove... oh look!  How chocolates are made!")

Just like most things, there is a huge gray area.  While filters are great and keep kids safe, they do not replace teaching kids to make good decisions.  That is still our responsibility: schools and homes.  After all, it takes a village.

Heated Toilet Seats: Why Our Kids Need New Schools

I know you are thinking: What do heated toilet seats have to do with education?  And if you aren't thinking that, we should be friends...

There is a coffee shop near my house that has a heated toilet seat.  In an area of the world where we experience all four seasons to the fullest, heated toilet seats are a wonderful luxury. 

If you sit to do bathroom business, you know that a clean seat is a must.  Approaching a seat that needs to be cleaned before your bottom hits it is awful, gross and time-consuming.  But what I have found is that the heated seat in my coffee shop is always clean.

Why?  Two things: 1. bottoms love it so there is no hovering and therefore less opportunity for mess-making, 2. people respect the luxury of the heated seat.

When you walk into a bathroom that is littered with paper, trash and graffiti, one more doesn't really matter.  When you walk into a clean bathroom, you are under much more pressure to keep it clean and perfect.  

It's like the episode of Bugs Bunny where the different hats land on Bugs and Elmer and their actions reflect the hat they are wearing.

This brings me to new schools.  There are those that say, why do kids need new buildings? Can't they learn where they are? Yes, they can.  Just don't get upset when they are throwing trash and paper and leaving a messy seat, metaphorically speaking, of course.  While their peers, in shiny clean buildings, are enjoying heated toilet seats and clean bathroom walls, picking up after themselves and leaving the seat clean for the next student. 

Environment matters.  Make it clean, keep it clean.  And do whatever it takes to give kids new buildings, new books, new devices, new whatever makes them feel respected and important.

Walk a Mile in This

Those of you who know me or follow me on twitter may refuse to walk a mile in my shoes.  Steve, Gianni, Jessica and Antonio might be adorable, but they are NOT boots that were made for walking.

But consider it metaphorically, if you will.

I have had the unique opportunity to be both a classroom teacher and a technology... person. And allow me to cry for help:

To the techs:  Please understand you can't know the horror of planning a lesson and having it fail miserably.  We tout risk-taking, but really, as classroom teachers, in from of 32 teenagers, or tweens, or children, we want there to be a low possibility of risk.  As low as possible.  Preferably no risk.  At all.

And we do not understand your acronyms.  We do not know the difference between VGA and HDMI; we barely know the difference between the blue cord and the yellow cord*.  And we can't trouble shoot in high stress situations because, like a newbie in the field, we forget everything we ever learned when things go wrong.  We are focused on instructional time and test scores (right or wrong) (ok, wrong).

We have a million things on our minds (150 of them are students), and we tackle you in the hallway because you make us remember we need you.  You don't have to give in, but remember you don't answer to a slew of administrators, students, parents, grandparents, community members, on the daily.

This is what I beg of you: don't forget me and please forgive me.  I will try again.  I will try to learn.  I will freak out every time it doesn't work.

To the teachers: Please understand you can not know the stress we are under.  You have 150 students; we have thousands.  Plus teachers.  Plus administrators.  We want our kids to be able to use tech.  We want it to work.  We kick ourselves when decisions are made that do not benefit teachers and we really do have you in mind. But we have 800 teacher/admin devices, 7000+ student devices, plus all of the behind-the-scenes stuff that makes it work.

I know you worry about the one tech you have in your building; but we have to worry about the 61 teachers in yours.  And the 40 in the other.  and the 22.  and the 34.  and the 37. And the students with broken devices.  And the teachers who have crowd-funded new tech and want to use it now. Right now.  (Thanks, eCoaches).

You know when your kids take a test and then the next passing period they asked if you have it graded?  That feeling is the same feeling we get when you stop us to ask if we have looked at your device yet.

I am sorry about all of the acronyms and the computer talk.  We know that all teachers are everywhere with your understanding and we don't want you to think we think you are unintelligent.

This is what I beg of you: be patient; we really are working hard, after hours, and on the weekends, like you.  And for the love of everything that is holy, do not call your tech unless you have restarted your device and unplugged and reconnected whatever the ailment is.  Troubleshoot. Learn to fish.  That will help us help you.

(*this is a tech joke; there is no difference between the blue cord and the yellow cord.)

Why Debbie Ettel Made Me Cry

For those of you that know Debbie, I am sure you are shocked.  You are asking yourself what heinous act she commented to bring Hutch to tears.  Well, I will tell you.  It was last school year, but I can remember it like it was yesterday and every time I see her, I almost relive it...

Riverside Elementary was not my building at the beginning of the year.  When my colleague took a position filling in elsewhere in the district, I took on the building and its tech needs.  This was the first time I spoke with Debbie at any length.

It wasn't our first meeting, or even our second, when she made me cry.  It was late in the year and I was having a particularly bad day.  So in her defense, had I been having a better day, I may not have cried.  But on that particular day, that particularly bad day, it was all I could take.

Teachers and administrators had been nasty to me all day.  Parents and kids had been complaining.  Even my husband was not being very nice.  I felt unappreciated, unrecognized and unloved.

And then came Ms. Ettel.

And she... was so nice and sweet and caring and genuine that I could not take it.  She made me feel so smart and accomplished and good about myself.  I never want to leave her office or her company when I am there (she has to kick me out sometimes).  And so, as I walked to my car, I started to cry.

Why can't everybody be like Debbie?  I know she has had trials and tribulations and has probably been "wronged" and had her heart broken more than once, but no matter where she is, or what is attacking her, she is shining on the outside.  That must be exhausting, but I need her to know that I notice, and I need it, and I appreciate it.

So I boo-hoo-ed.  Mostly because I felt sorry for myself.  Why was I not surrounded by Debbie Ettels?  Maybe then, I could not appreciate her as much...

So that is how Debbie Ettel made me cry.  I never told her this story and she almost caught me writing it.  But to Debbie, from all of the teachers, administrators, parent, kids and people that you have made feel bad because there are not enough of you, Thank You.  You are my marigold and my Joy.

Being an adult sucks

The memes are all over about how hard it is to "adult".

           

But the truth of it is, no one is really prepared to be an adult.  The question if teachers are actually preparing kids for the real world is pointless.  Because NO ONE CAN PREPARE YOU.

I used to think that being an adult would eventually get easier.  I thought it was like tying your shoe or brushing your hair; the better you are at it, the easier it is.

But this is not true.

In fact, it is the opposite.  The better teacher you are, the harder your job is.  Crappy teachers (business people, any other profession) have it easy.  They come in, work their seven and a half hours, leave, go do grown-up things like watch the news, fix dinner and shower and brush their teeth.

I thought maybe I was doing it wrong.  After all, they say "work smarter, not harder."

THAT IS THE DUMBEST THING EVER.  Almost as dumb as becoming an adult.  Here's the thing: I have avoided actually become an adult, but even that has brought problems.  Besides a disturbing lack of hygiene, I can't spell and I get in trouble ALL THE TIME.  I am the 30-year-old version of No, David, Joey Pigza and Jack Henry.

It's like having a birthday.  You wake up and expect to feel different because you are a year older.  But you don't.  You feel the same as yesterday.

I will close with lyrics from Christina Perri because they are relevant and also because I will see her in concert next month and naturally I shout that out every time someone mentions her.  Or her songs. Or says any word that is a lyric of any of her songs...

"I'm so sorry it's not like me,

It's maturity that I'm lacking
So don't, don't let me go
Just let me know that growing up goes slow"

-Hutch

Google Classroom: An Intro & How to Turn off Email Notifications

This will be short and sweet, a lot like Google Classroom!  I have heard people say that an interface, program or app is "user friendly" but it is really true of Google Classroom and a lot of that is due to the simplicity.  Check out a quick video here:

Once you are in, click the top right to create (or join) a class.  For your students, they can download the app in the Google Chrome Store (or Apple Store!) or they can simply go to http://classroom.google.com and login (make sure they first time they select "Student" as their role.

After that you can start discussions or create assignments.  Attach files form your computer or from your Google Drive.  And (my FAV part) when you attach, you can choose if you  want the students to view a file (directions, rubric, story) edit the document together (collaboratively work on a google doc or drawing) or Google Classroom will AUTOMATICALLY create a copy in EACH STUDENT'S DRIVE! I love that part.  No more losing documents, no more share as view only so they can file, make a copy,  And when students "turn it in", no more searching your shared drive for the kid's document.

HERE A TIP:  When students comment on announcements (which you can turn off) it will email you.  Every.  Time.  Here how to shut that off:

Step 1 

Step 2 

Step 3 

In conclusion, I love Google Classroom.  The End.